


You've Got Mail

by suallenparker



Series: You've Got Mail Universe [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Melinda as Skye's mother, You've Got Mail AU, you've got mail - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-02-24 11:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2579402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For two years bookstore mogul Melinda May exchanged messages with booklover62. Ever since they met on a forum for readers and book lovers of all kind, they write to each other about the stories they read and the novel he’s writing. She knows his pen name, what kind of stories he loves and that he’s engaged. Which is perfect, because love doesn’t come easy to her. Too bad she’s falling for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe I’m starting my next Philinda multi chapter. Seriously, what is this OTP doing to me? But I love them and I love the movie “You’ve Got Mail” and they mix great! So here we go, a Philinda You’ve Got Mail AU by yours truly. Approximately about 13 chapters to go, if my plot works out as I planned it. :) Expect angst and fluff and lots of mails! Thanks to ddagent for being the very best writing buddy!

She wasn’t obsessed. Melinda May leaned forward in her office chair and refreshed the email program. Checking her mail every fifteen minutes didn’t make her obsessed. It made her a business woman who was very busy with her business and – Crap. Maybe she was a little obsessed. No new mail.

Still nothing from booklover62.

Never mind. Melinda sighed and closed the program. She was busy with her life, and so was he. They had met two years ago at an online book forum for avid readers. They had similar tastes in books and started sending private messages after a few months. It was nothing serious. She didn’t even know his real name! Expecting him to write back right away was ridiculous and she had way more important things to obsess about.

Like the opening of her new bookstore in two months. Or her new apartment she hadn’t even set foot in since she had signed the lease a month back. Last week she had been on tour to a few publishing companies around the area of New York and had slept in hotel rooms. This morning she had arrived here, in her new head office, and of course things were running smoothly because her team was brilliant, but moving was never easy.

Still, she hadn’t heard from booklover62 in five days. She had answered him right away and told him about Karin Slaughter’s book “Criminal”. And she missed him. A tiny bit.

She switched off the computer. Today had been a really long day and it was time to go home. She had another hour left to drive home, get changed and then meet with Tori and Anna for dinner at their place.

Maybe she should chancel on them. It was her first day in the city and she probably should get settled at her apartment. Tori would understand. They were friends since College and never lost contact even when Tori moved back to New york to run her father’s law firm.

Melinda stood up and picked up her cell. Quickly, she checked for new messages or mails. Still nothing. She pressed her lips together. She was being ridiculous!

The cell rang before she could put it in her purse. She looked at the caller-ID. And her mood lifted immediately.

Smiling, Melinda answered the call. “Hi, Skye.”

“Hello, mum.”

Skye was smiling too, Melinda could hear it in her voice. Her heart tightened. Two weeks ago Skye had left to study computer science at the MIT and she missed her daughter like crazy! They hadn’t talked to each other in a week, because Melinda had wanted to grant Skye some space and Skye had been too busy with being twenty and a freshman. Maybe that was why Melinda focused so much on booklover62? Skye and she never had been living apart from each other before. One reason why she had moved to New York instead of staying at the old head quarters in L.A. had been that she would be nearer to her daughter. It was just a one hour flight or a four hour drive, depending on traffic. It soothed her that if need be, she wouldn’t need a whole day to get to her child.

“Are you settled in yet?” Skye asked.

Melinda grinned. “That’s what I should ask you.”

“But I was quicker.”

“I’m fine, Skye.”

“So you spent the day in your office and settled in there.”

Damn. Her daughter knew her too well! Melinda nibbled on her bottom lip.

Skye sighed. “You’re still at the office now, aren’t you?”

“The store will open in two months, there’s just so much to do!”

“Did you eat, at least?”

Seriously? “You know I did.” She was very strict with her routines. A mind couldn’t function without a healthy body. Hunger was bad for concentration.

Her daughter sighed again. “And you know that you shouldn’t use your great discipline to push yourself too hard.”

“Skye …” She hated worrying her!

“Use your powers for good, mom.”

Nah. Melinda grinned. Skye wasn’t so much worried as she was mocking her poor mother. “How’s college?” she asked.

“Awesome,” Skye said. “The dorm room’s really big and close to my campus, so that’s good. I already stocked up on red bull and ramen. I haven’t met my room mate yet, so that’s still a risk factor. Hope, she doesn’t snore. Or smell. What if she has a water phobia and doesn’t shower or brush her teeth, like ever?”

Melinda frowned. “You need to live on more than just energy drinks and noodles.”

“Think I can get myself some love too. Lots of cute boys here.”

“Skye …”

“Girls too. I’m feeling experimental. This is college after all.”

Melinda rolled her eyes. “Skye …”

“If I’d always take a shot when you have that judgmental eye roll in your tone whilst saying my name, I’d be drunk now.”

Melinda closed her eyes and took her breath. “I’m sorry, I just worry, that’s all.”

“I know, mum. I’m fine. I’m gonna be fine.”

“Buy some spinach,” she said.

“Go home and pour yourself a bath, or something.”

“I’m gonna be fine, too. I promise.” She smiled and added, “Tori and Anna invited me to dinner tonight.”

“I’m gonna hear about it if you don’t go,” said Skye with a warning in her voice.

Melinda frowned. “Who said I don’t wanna go?”

“I talked to Anna earlier and she said you sounded hesitant.”

“Anna’s paranoid.”

“Probably because you ditched their last few invites.”

“You know too much, child.”

Skye sighed. “You can’t live on work alone, mum.”

“I’m not,” she defended herself. “Maria forces me to have fun all the time!”

“Anna said she’ll come to dinner too,” Skye said. Maria Hill was second in command at May Books, one of Melinda’s oldest friends and Skye’s godmother.

“True,” said Melinda. “Do you have any fun plans for tonight?”

“Some guy invited me to dinner.”

“What’s his name?”

“Grant Ward and yes, I’m gonna be careful, mum.”

She could hear the eye roll in her daughter’s voice. “Call me if you need me, okay?” Melinda said.

  


o0o

Another hour later and still no mail from booklover62. Melinda would feel guilty for checking her phone, but Tori and Maria were doing the same, so …

“Put that phone away!” Anna said fiercely. “All of you!” She glared at each one of them. They sat around the large dinner table in Tori’s and Anna’s loft and Anna settled down next to Tori at the set table. “I ordered this take out all by myself and I want you to appreciate my work.” The food smelled amazing.

Tori acted the fasted and smiled at Anna. “You arranged it on the plate beautifully, wife of mine.”

Anna kissed Tori briefly on the mouth. “That’s because I love you and want to take good care of you.”

“I’m the luckiest woman and you spoil me.” Tori beamed. Five years ago Tori and Anna had married. Maria, Skye and Melinda had been bridesmaids. Five years before that, Melinda had introduced the two of them. Anna was one of the book publishing agents she loved working with.

Maria switched off her phone and shook her head. “You two are grossly cute.”

“You’re jealous,” said Tori, still beaming.

“Just observant.”

“Because you’re jealous,” said Anna and put down a bowl of fried rice.

Maria caught Melinda’s gaze and rolled her eyes. Melinda grinned, turned her cell on vibrate and put it next to her on the table.

“I saw that!” said Tori and pointed at them with her fork.

This time Melinda rolled her eyes.

They filled their plates and started eating.

“Skye said you talked to her today,” Melinda said to Anna once her hunger was stilled. She put her fork down.

Anna nodded and smiled. “She’s fine. She’s strong. She can handle herself.”

“I know.”

“But you worry.”

“Yeah.”

“She worries too, you know,” Anna said and looked at her plate. Because Anna worried too. They all did, ever since Thomas and she had divorced almost two years ago, Melinda knew. She was so tired of it. Their marriage had been over years before they made it official and she was done grieving. She was okay. truly.

Melinda sighed. “I can handle myself.”

“You should let someone else handle you for a change.” Maria snorted.

Melinda raised a brow and reached for her wine glass. “You know I’m your boss, right?”

Maria grinned and clicked their glasses together. “We’re still eating so now you’re just my best friend who needs to get laid.”

“I have sex!”

Maria raised a brow. “Do tell.” It sounded like a challenge.

Like Melinda would fall for that. “No.” She sipped on her wine.

“I’m calling bullshit,” Tori said.

“Seconded,” Anna said.

Melinda poured herself some more wine. “We met at the airport.”

Maria held her glass next to hers. “Name?”

“Don’t know.”

“Job?”

“Something that requires expensive suits.”

“Condom?”

“Standard neutral.”

“Good girl.”

They grinned at each other.

“Talking about dicks, have you seen today’s newspaper?” asked Maria.

“Read it this morning,” Melinda said. “I’m not worried.”

“Worried about what?” asked Anna.

Maria staked the plates. “Phil Coulson and the Shop around the corner. They brought an article today about that upstanding citizen and this fundament of society.” The article had featured two photos of the shop, one from thirty years ago, and one from now. They looked almost identical. Another photo showed the “charming bookshop owner” Phil Coulson, as the article phrased it. He stood behind the counter as he handed a book to some student. He looked kind, but not really memorable.

“My mother bought books there when I was little,” said Tori.

“Do you buy your books there now?” asked Maria with a raised brow.

Tori shook her head and took two empty bowels and a service plate from the table. “I order them on amazon or go to one of your stores, of course.”

“Exactly,” Maria grinned at her and shrugged. “Those little shops just aren’t able to compete any longer.”

Melinda’s cell vibrated shortly. A message! Within moments Melinda held it in her hand and unlocked the screen. She got mail! Her heart skipped a beat. booklover62 left her a private message on their forum.

“Are you expecting a call?” asked Tori.

Melinda put her cell away with a smile. “It can wait,” she said. She would read his message tonight, when she had peace and privacy.

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja,_

_I haven’t read one word in the last week. To be honest, I had to read the same words over and over again, because my mind refused to make sense of them. Isn’t that silly? I’m a little ashamed to write you this, but since you don’t know my name or any personal detail, I figured you couldn’t use it against me anyway._

_I was nervous in the most cliché way possible; I had a ring in my pocket and needed to muster up the courage to pop the question. But tonight Audrey said yes. The most wonderful woman in the world said yes. Did I tell you about Audrey? - I fear I missed out on it. Well, Audrey is the most wonderful woman in the world and she agreed to marry me!_

_I just had to tell you. Words start making sense again._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

Melinda read the message three times. She felt disappointed. And silly. And sad. And angry for feeling the first three things. She put her iPad on the nightstand and got out of bed. It was after midnight already, but she didn’t feel tired anymore. She felt restless.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda goes to a charity event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me forever to write this, friends! My laptop is still wonky but I pushed through! I hope you like this. As always I’d love to hear your thoughts!

She felt like she just lost him, which was silly. They hadn’t even met! She didn’t know his name or what he looked like or his name … She knew the name of his fiancé, but not his. This was absolutely ridiculous.

Melinda brewed herself a cup of camille tea. Thanks to her brilliant interior designer and her equally brilliant team, her kitchen was already fully functional. Even the expensive china Melinda had inherited from her grandmother stood already in the decorative cupboard next to the big window to Melinda’s left. With the tea in hand, she went to her bedroom and settled down.

She took a sip and another as she read his message again.

He was engaged …

She wished he’d told her about his girlfriend earlier, which was equally ridiculous as she had been the one asking him to keep private things out of their exchanges. She was the CEO of a multi million dollar company and more than once had her enemies tried to use her personal life to hurt her. Especially while she and Thomas had went through their divorce.

Of course Skye had played the tough girl, but Melinda knew that the trash the tabloids wrote about them hurt her.

booklover62 didn’t know about that. He didn’t know about her daughter or her ex husband or that Melinda ever had been married in the first place. He didn’t even know her name.

So she should feel honored that he shared this private moment of happiness with her, right?

She swallowed hard.

Right.

She was just tired and stressed about her new store and because Skye was so far away.

She put away the cup and started typing her response.

_o0o_

_Dear booklover62_

_Congratulations! I’m so happy for the both of you. I wish you both all the best. Don’t worry about late replies ever. We both have busy lives and I’m glad yours keeps you occupied with good things like this. Thanks for sharing your news with me._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

_o0o_

Just one more week until the new store would open. Melinda looked at her golden wrist watch, ignoring Maria’s glare. They had arrived at the fundraiser twenty minutes ago. She had much more important things to do than to wear a new silver dress and look good for the photographers. But Maria assured her that she was wrong in her assessment of the situation. This would look good in the press, she had said. And no company could ever have enough good press.

Now they were surrounded by well dressed men and women with drinks and canapés in their hands. Later there would be a silent auction to raise funds for a charity that tried to provide underfunded schools with books and supplies as needed. Melinda liked the charity and as every year she had sponsored an item for the action. This year it was a first edition of Winnie the Pooh.

She wished this and the generous check she had signed would be enough, but no.

“I’m only staying until the silent auction,” Melinda mumbled at Maria, so the people surrounding them couldn’t hear.

“Smile,” Maria whispered right back.

Melinda exposed her teeth.

Half an hour later she went to the buffet to help herself to a third walnut caramel brownie. Those things were delicious and since they would occupy her mouth, people wouldn’t expect her to speak. Melinda hated small talk. Especially small talking strangers.

Of course it was possible that kind and interesting people were mingling here, but this far Melinda hadn’t met any. Maria was off somewhere, probably smooth talking someone rich to invest in their company. And probably getting what she asked for. Melinda grinned. Her best friend was very good at her job.

Her smile faded as she watched someone else take the very last brownie.

The perpetrator noticed her to his left and turned to her. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want this?” He held up the brownie as he slightly pulled up his shoulders. He had a sweet smile, gorgeous eyes and short, brown hair that greyed at the sides. And he looked cute when he blushed.

Melinda smiled too. “It’s alright, you take it. I already had two.”

“Two already?” he asked. His smile widened. There was something familiar about him Melinda couldn’t quite place. “ Then you need to catch up,” he said. “I had three, because they’re so delicious.”

“They’re indeed.” His smile really was damn cute. She liked his voice too. Now she remembered! She had heard him talk to a big black guy with an eyepatch at the bar earlier.

“Caramel, chocolate and walnut are a perfect combination,” he said. He still held up the brownie between them, now he raised it a little higher. “You should take it.”

“No really, you got to it first.”

“I insist! You’re one brownie behind, so it’s only fair you’ll take it.”

She tilted her head. “How about we split?”

“That would lead to an inequality of brownie consummation between us, but these things are delicious so I accept your generous offer without much of a guilty conscience.”

She grinned and he swallowed.

“I sometimes ramble when I’m low on sugar,” he said.

She chuckled. “Good thing we share then.”

He grinned. “Yes.”

They got another plate and a knife, so she could cut the brownie in half. Then they both bit into their piece at the same time.

“This is really good.” He sighed happily.

“Yes.” There was a drop of caramel on his upper lip and she wanted to lick it away. Just to try it. His smile was really sweet and she felt safe around him. That didn’t happen often with strangers. She felt comfortable in most situations. But safe? For that she didn’t trust people enough. But with him … Melinda took the second and last bite of her brownie. He seemed kind too. “I’m Melinda, by the way,” she said with a smile as she put down her plate. “Melinda May.”

He frowned at her. “Is this a joke?” There was a warning in his voice.

“Excuse me?”

His hands clenched around his now empty plate. “You’re Melinda May?”

“Yes.”

“The CEO of May Books?” Glaring, he took a step away from her.

“Do we know each other?”

“Are you kidding?” He looked at her like she was dirt. “Companies like yours are the death of the family businesses.”

She stared at him. She wasn’t much of a talker though usually it was hard to get her speechless. But he had succeeded. She didn’t understand why he suddenly was so rude to her when just moments before they had gotten along so well.

He shook his head. “Of course you don’t know who I am,” he said with fake pity in his voice. “People like me are just a blip under your radar. Why even learn the names of the bugs you crush, right?”

Her eyes widened as she remembered where she had seen his face before. The newspaper! “You’re Phil Coulson from the Shop around the Corner.”

“So you do know who I am.”

“You’re rude.” She felt cold. Her stomach was in knots.

“I’m …?” He snorted. “I’m rude? You’re an ice queen. Don’t you feel any shame? You’re destroying lives, you-”

She lifted her chin and raised a brow. “Don’t you worry. I’m sure you’ll crawl out of the dirt just like any cockroach.”

With that, she walked away. She hoped he hadn’t noticed her trembling hands.

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_I want to talk about books and stories and how I’m still stuck with my novel (mostly due to not even opening the documents), because that’s our thing, right? That’s what we bond over. I already broke our pattern the last time when I wrote you about Audrey. I just feel close to you. I trust you._

_Do you ever just get a feeling about people? Some sort of instinct or reflex? You meet someone and just know they’ll be good for you?_

_Today I met someone and I had that feeling. They made me feel comfortable, like being around them would always be easy. And I was so wrong. Now I feel gullible._

_Did something like that ever happened to you? That you misjudged someone so completely?_

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_There’s more to life than books and stories and I’m glad you’re willing to share more than opinions about fiction. - Though I’m gonna nag you about your novel. I’m curious and you promised I’d be allowed to read it once you complete the first draft, so you better have at it!_

_I’m glad you trust me. I might not always know what to say and I’m even quieter in real life, if you can believe this, but I’m glad to listen to you. I’m glad to be your friend._

_I know I build most boundaries between us. I’m private. It’s a safety percussion; my daughter says, it’s living by fear. Sometimes I think she’s right. Sometimes I think she’s naïve._

_I’m not very trusting. - But I trust you._

_And I know the feeling you described. You feel safe with someone and they attack you. Usually my gut instincts are dependable, but sometimes they fail me and I get hurt. Fortunately it’s mostly just my ego that gets bruised._

_Your friend,_   
_bookish-ninja_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to complete this fic before Christmas but that would mean at least a chapter every other day. What do you think about that? Are you guys in? Because I know I won’t make it without your comments and support!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they miss people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh. The last few days were really hard! But lets not talk about that. Lets focus on that I’m finally writing again! Thank you so much for all your support for the second chapter. I lost a lot of time to bullshit and Crimson Horror but after restructuring the story I still have hope to complete it before Christmas. I hope you like this one too! As always thank you so much for your continued support!

May Books opened today. And Audrey left for Portland. He wasn’t scared of the first and happy for the latter. He was so very happy for Audrey. And so proud. He swallowed as he unpacked a box of newly arrived books. Eleven copies of The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty. A book club always ordered all their books through his shop and after they asked him for recommendations, he had suggested it. Usually they got most of their new books in the morning, but this shipment had arrived in the later afternoon. Sometimes New York traffic was just crazy, especially so close to the holidays. Just three more days until Thanksgiving!

He couldn’t imagine celebrating it without Audrey. It would be their first Thanksgiving apart ever since they got together five years ago and … They would be fine. They had survived food-poisoning together after they went to that tiny restaurant for their second anniversary, they would survive a year living in different cities. No big deal. They would just focus on their work and make the most of the time they would be able to spend together and everything would be just fine.

Fitz and Simmons were at the front of the shop to take care of any customers. Not that there were many today. But not to worry about that. Not to worry about anything. They would be fine.

Audrey would do great things in Portland. She was a great cellist and the Portland Philharmonic was a wonderful opportunity for her. How could he not support that? He checked the books into their inventory and put them on a shelf in his back office. Tomorrow one of the book club members, a sweet old lady, would pick up all the copies. She was already excited about the read. She had told him that the day she placed the order. He was sure the whole club would enjoy it. And afterwards return for another recommendation and eleven more books. - May Books couldn’t comped with the expertise he had to offer and his customers knew that!

Next year Audrey would move back and to New York, they would marry and his shop would still flourish like it did now.

“Did you bring Audrey to the airport?” asked someone from behind.

When Phil turned he found Nick Fury standing in the doorway to the back office.

“Of course,” Phil said dryly. “She’ll call me once she’ll gets to her new apartment.

Fury pulled his eyebrows together. As always he wore his black leather coat over some black jeans and a black shirt. And as always he completed the dramatic look with a black leather eye patch. Fury had lost an eye in a freak motor cycle accident but he loved telling people it was an injury from one of his super secret spy missions. But really he had spent his whole adult life either selling children’s books in the shop around the corner or traveling to curious places. He sold a lot of Artemis Fowl books with that story. Young kids just loved him. Probably because they could admire and fear him a little at the same time. Before Phil’s mother had passed, Fury had worked for her and without him Phil wasn’t sure if he’d been able to cope with the loss whilst running the shop. But together they made it work. - Which was another reason why he wasn’t worried about May Books. They had bested worse situations!

Phil frowned as well. “Don’t look at me like that. Long distance relationships can work just fine.”

“Audrey is a very sweet lady.”

Audrey was the sunshine of his life. “And I love her.” Phil couldn’t understand why Fury didn’t warm up to her.

Fury just continued to look at him.

Phil squinted. “And she loves me. And it’s just for a year. I can visit her, she can visit me. We’ll see each other at Christmas. It’ll be great!” He smiled.

Fury kept his silence. Phil turned to the next packed box and opened it.

“May Books opened today,” Fury said.

He pressed his lips together and took out three books at once.

“The numbers are bad,” Fury said. Next to selling children’s books, he also kept his eyes on the finances and numbers.

Phil had expected as much. The whole day had been slow. “That’s just the opening hype,” he said. “We’ll do just fine.”

“Just like you and Audrey.”

“Exactly.”

“Did you call Melinda May.”

Phil straightened up and turned to Fury again. “Why?”

“To wish her good luck. Be a good sportsman.”

“Seriously?” Because before Fury had always cursed the big business people.

Fury grinned slyly. “You had great chemistry.”

“I’m not having chemistry with the devil!” Phil said sternly. “I’m having chemistry with Audrey.”

“She’s really good looking.”

“She’s as cold as the ninth circle of hell.”

“I was talking about Audrey.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“I think you’d be great together.” Fury’s grin widened. “I can see those things.” He tipped on his eye patch.

Phil refused to validate that with a response.

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_How have you been? The last few days were crazy busy but I thought about you a lot. I also thought about Doppler and just leaving everything behind and moving into the woods. I might’ve been close to just put up my tent in Central Park, once or twice. - I moved to New York a few weeks ago. I haven’t seen much of the City yet. Work – As it does so very often. - got in the way._

_Anyway, thank you for telling me about this wonderful book. It’s one of those stories that seem to accompany ever since I read it. And it kept me safe. It kept me smiling._

_My work was worth it, though, so I probably won’t give up civilized life yet._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_You live in New York now? That’s where I live! I’ve grown up here and can’t really imagine leaving. There’re just so much memories here I don’t want to leave behind. I brought my fiancé to the airport today. It’s bittersweet. As I told you, she’s brilliant. The Portland Philharmonic thinks so too and they offered her a position as first cellist. Of course she had to take it and it’ll be only for a year. I’m so proud of her. But she’s gone for just a few hours and I already miss her. Isn’t that silly?_

_Doppler is still one of my favorites. I’m glad you enjoyed it! I finished Babette’s Feast yesterday and loved it. Thank you so much for recommending it! A great artist could never be poor … I’m not sure if that’s about me but I’d love for it to be. Maybe instead of reading I try writing._

_If you ever decide to pull a Doppler and go into the woods, let me know. I’d love to visit you in Central Park and bring you some Toblerone._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

Her heart beat a little faster and she felt guilty. They were in the same city. His fiancé was gone and she shouldn’t think in such terms. Just because it was now a possibility for them to meet, didn’t mean they ever would. They probably wouldn’t. Meeting a stranger she met on the internet was crazy, right? But then again …

Melinda smiled as she read his last sentence for the second time. Maybe she should just ask him for his name. She’d love to eat chocolate with him in Central Park.

Someone knocked at her glass office door and Melinda minimized the mail before she looked up. Maria entered the office with a smile, holding a folder in her hand.

Melinda leaned back in her chair and grinned. “You seem pleased, are they that good?”

With a grin, Maria came up to the desk handed her the data. “Even better,” she said.

Melinda opened the folder and looked at tonight’s numbers. Her eyes widened and she smiled. The opening of the new store had been a huge success! Maria was right, their sells where better than expected. Seemed like a lot of people took advantage of their prepared Thanksgiving gift ideas and they also sold out on their Christmas Time Extravaganza. Sunday before Christmas May Books New York would be open to customers with tickets. There would be exclusive book readings and book-themed snacks and drinks and a few other surprises. Melinda and Maria had been organizing the event next to the store opening. Seemed like all their hard work paid off!

The store opening was a success already and Melinda held high hopes that the Christmas Extravaganza would be the same.

She wished she could tell Skye.

“Skye hasn’t called, has she?” asked Maria.

Damn her for knowing her so well! Melinda looked at her friend. “She’s busy.”

“But you want to share this with her.”

Of course she wanted to share this with her daughter! Melinda swallowed. “We’ll see each other Thanksgiving, I can wait three more days.”

“You should call her.”

“Did you hear what I just said?”

Maria shook her head and sighed. “It’s okay for you to share things, you know that, right?”

“And I shall share on Thanksgiving. It’s what the day’s there for anyway.”

Maria opened her mouth but Melinda’s ringing cell cut her off.

They both glanced at the caller ID.

“You’ve got a great daughter,” Maria said.

Melinda couldn’t agree more. Smiling, she answered the call, “Hi, Skye! Maria and I were just talking about you …”

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_My daughter just called and I’m so happy. I can relate to missing people though they just left. I feel it whenever my daughter steps outside my door. I know she’s strong and brave and I’m so proud of her. I try not to be in her way but support her to make the leaps she needs to make. But I miss her and I worry._

_I hoped Babette’s Feast would inspire you! I love reading your messages and I’m sure I’d love reading a whole book filled with your words. Did you write yesterday? I hope you did!_

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which family is home.

“I shouldn’t let you eat that.” Melinda frowned as Skye took her third spoonful of cookie dough directly from the package.

They were in Melinda’s kitchen, it was Christmas Eve and Skye had arrived two hours ago. They had planned on baking together, but so far not much baking was happening.

Skye dipped her spoon into the dough again. “It doesn’t have egg in it, it’s safe to eat,” she said. She had brought the dough with her. It wasn’t really what Melinda had pictured when Skye had promised to bring the incredients for the baking.

“They make cookie dough without eggs?”

“Someone either discovered that they could sell a shit ton of that to people whose love raw cookie dough or … You know,” Skye shrugged, “ vegans.”

Melinda took the cookie dough from the table and read the label on the package. “There’s milk in it.”

“Not vegan, then.” Skye spooned out some more dough right from under Melinda’s hand. “But very delicious.” She held her spoon up to Melinda’s lips. Melinda rolled her eyes but tried the dough. And it was delicious!

“Told you,” said Skye with a grin.

Melinda tried to glare and failed. The dough was really good! She took second spoon from the drawer and helped herself to a second mouthful. “After that we’ll brush our teeth,” she said sternly.

Skye’s grin widened. “Yes, mom.”

Melinda smiled too and put the package back on the table, so they both could easily reach it. She took another spoonful before she turned around and walked to the fridge.

“What are you doing?” asked Skye and straightened up behind her. “If you’re pulling out the kale, I will throw it at you, leaf for leaf.”

Kale? Her daughter really should put more trust into her. Melinda took a box of maple walnut ice cream out of the fridge and carried it to the table.

Skye’s eyes brightened. “You’re a brilliant woman!”

Yes, she was. But hearing it from her daughter always made it so much better. Melinda got out two bowls and a big spoon.

Skye took a breath. “You look so pleased with yourself it seems the right moment to ask you …”

“Ask me what?” Melinda looked at her as she placed a big scoop of ice cream in each bowl.

Skye waited until Melinda passed her one of the bowls before she asked, “Have you met someone?”

“No blind dates, Skye!” Melinda said sternly. Skye tried to hook her up twice after Thomas and she got divorced. She arranged one ‘ _emergency meeting_ ' with her english teacher and the other time she tricked Melinda into an awkward phone conversation with the widowed father of one of her friends.

“What? No!” Skye said quickly. “I mean …” Skye swallowed and shrugged. “You check your mails a lot.”

She had noticed that? Damn. “I’m a business woman.”

“But there’s someone, right?”

Melinda crumbled some cookie dough over her ice cream. “Do you really want to hear about my sex life?”

“Aren’t you old people more into golf or bingo?”

Melinda grinned slyly.

And Skye frowned. “Don’t answer that.”

Melinda chuckled. It felt so good to mess with her daughter like this! She had missed her the last month. But now they had two more days ahead of them. Thomas and his new wife Isabel spent the holiday season in Europe, but Skye would visit them over spring break. She seemed okay with it and as long as her daughter wasn’t suffering, Melinda was just too happy to claim all the holidays for herself. Tomorrow they would celebrate Christmas with Maria, Tori and Anna, but tonight belonged just to the two of them. And Melinda loved it! Happy, she spooned up some ice cream with cookie dough.

Skye sighed. “You won’t tell me anything, will you?”

“How are things going with Ward?” asked Melinda and raised a brow.

“Nice deflection, mother.”

“Answer the question, child.” Two could play that game!

Skye shrugged and focused on her ice cream. “Turns out he’s a drug dealer.”

“What?”

Skye snorted and shook her head. “But you know, like the good kind,” she said and pulled out the word ‘ _good_ ’.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what I said before I ditched him.” Skye straightened up and threw her left hand in the air. “There’s no medical use to heroin whatsoever, but like he asks for ID and won’t sell to minors or some other bullshit.”

“Where’s he now?” Melinda was sure she’d love the answer to that question.

“Cops took him in for questioning is the last I heard.”

“That’s my girl.” Melinda smiled. Then she rubbed her daughter’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Skye shrugged in a way that told Melinda her baby would be okay, then Skye grinned. “Your turn. Share with your daughter!”

“It’s nothing serious.”

“As long as it’s what you want and you use protection …“ Skye said.

“We haven’t met and he’s engaged.”

“What kind of kink is that?” Skye asked and ate more ice cream.

Melinda rolled her eyes. “We met online in a forum about books and we started mailing, but nothing personal. We talk about books.”

“What’s his name?”

“I just know the name he uses on the forum.”

Skye put down her spoon, lifted both hands and crossed her fingers as she closed her eyes. “Please don’t let it be big daddy or something.”

Very funny. Melinda sighed. “It’s booklover62.”

“That’s not too creepy,” said Skye approvingly. “What’s your URL?”

“None of your business.”

“Do you like him?”

Yes. But she wouldn’t tell her daughter that because that also wasn’t her business and besides … “He’s engaged and I don’t even know his real name.”

Skye squinted at her. “You sound like when you were making plans for New York. Like it’s not a sure thing but you want it to be.”

That was way too close to the truth. Sometimes she hated how well Skye knew her. Melinda tilted her head and raised a brow. “We're not doing this!”

Skye chuckled. “booklover62 and my mom sitting in a tree,” she sang and pulled a face. “Yeah no, that’s wrong.”

Melinda couldn’t agree more.

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja,_

_It’s Christmas and I will celebrate with my friends. They’re family to me. We have our traditions. Every year the same food, the same songs. There’s so much comfort in repetition. That’s why I love rereading my favorite books. It’s like coming home._ _This year my fiancé can’t make it and I miss her. Will you spent the holidays with your loved ones? I wish you a bright and merry Christmas!_

 _Your friend  
_ _booklover62_

o0o

They would open the shop in ten minutes and Phil was sure today would be just as busy as the days before. Simmons, a brilliant student who worked part time in his shop, and he would open up, Fitz, the other student part timer and Fury would come in later. The time between Christmas and New Year was always crazy and he was so relieved that this year there was no difference. And that meant all hands on deck. Phil didn’t want the customer service to suffer.

All the campaigning in the local newspapers and the special readings he had organized to keep the Shop around the Corner on everyone’s mind had paid of. Their sales had excelled last year’s and Phil couldn’t be more pleased with things. Tomorrow Audrey would come over for New Year’s Eve and he was so looking forward to seeing her! They hadn’t spent any time with each other since he dropped her off at the airport a month ago and even though they tried to skype often to get at least some face time, her work schedule made it really difficult.

Phil pressed his lips together as he put the change in the register. He really needed to see her. Bookish-ninja and he exchanged messages almost every day now. That stranger knew more about his life than his own fiancé. And ever so slowly she allowed him insights into hers. He knew about her daughter, he knew that she lived in New York now. And he knew his heart skipped a beat whenever he thought of the possibility of actually meeting her. That was bad. This morning he had been excited to check his mail box. Not because he had hoped for a message from audrey, but in hope that bookish-ninja had answered his last mail. And that was terrible. He felt guilty. But he was sure that all would get fixed if he’d just be able to hold Audrey again. To remind himself how very much he loved that woman. Because he loved her so much. And bookish-ninja was just …

He nibbled on his bottom lip before he looked up from the register. “If you mail with someone on the internet, is that cheating?” Phil asked Simmons.

A few shelves away from him, Simmons placed a few newly arrived thrillers on display. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s nothing. I mean, I …” How should he explain that? “Book research!” he said quickly. Simmons knew he wrote a book. That explained it, right? “Research for my book.”

Simmons looked at him and squinted. “With whom are you messaging?”

“I didn’t mean …”

“Don’t you lie to me!” she exclaimed. Then she swallowed and added, “Sir.”

He sighed. What the hell. He might as well tell someone the truth. “bookish-ninja,” he said.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s the only name I know of her. We talk more about books and … she’s really private.”

Simmons walked up to him and stopped in front of the counter, placing her elbows on the elegant wood next to the register. “Did you sext with her?” she asked interested.

“What am I doing?” He threw his hands in the air before he gestured at her. “I can’t talk to you about this. You’re a toddler!”

“I’m twenty two,” said Simmons with dignity before she pointed at him. “And if you sext, don’t use smileys, because those just ruin the mood.”

The shop door opened and Fitz and Fury walked in. They were too early but since there was nothing to say against good work ethics and given the fact that their timing would cut this embarrassing conversation short, Phil was very happy to see them.

“What are we talking about?” asked Fitz and looked from Phil to Simmons, who still leaned against the counter.

“Nothing,” said Phil just at the same moment as Simmons said, “Sexting.”

“Oh my god!” He hid his face in his palms.

Fury chuckled. “You sound like you’re about to have a heart attack,” he said. of course he was enjoying it.

Simmons patted Phil’s arm. “If that’s a risk you should better not sext.”

Could this get any worse?

“Who’s sexting?” asked Fitz and looked at Simmons.

“Nobody!” Phil exclaimed. Fury laughed and Simmons shrugged.

“I did with Justin, but he used smileys. Won’t be seeing him again.” She snorted and returned to her books like everything was said.

o0o

Five work filled hours later, Phil left the shop to get some quick lunch for everybody. They worked so hard for him, they deserved a good meal! Also, when they’d be busy chewing, they hopefully wouldn’t return to this morning’s conversation. He feared Fury might figure out that it had been Phil who started it and then Fury would push until he’d know everything about bookish-ninja and Phil really didn’t want that. Fortunately the morning had be filled with customers, just like Phil had suspected. If he was really lucky, things would stay like that.

He turned a corner when he bumped into a woman.

“I’m so sorry!” he said as he picked up the small black clutch, the woman had dropped. He straightened up and looked directly into Melinda May’s brown eyes. He hated that he noticed how beautiful they were.

“It’s you,” he growled and took a step back. Because he was absolutely having no chemistry with the devil. And bookish-ninja was just a distraction until he could have Audrey back. As soon as he would kiss her tomorrow, everything would make sense again, Phil was sure of it!

May frowned.

“Spying on the competition?” he asked.

Her lips thinned.

He glared at her. “My shop is doing great. People appreciate good customer service and that’s what we stand for so there.”

“You talk too much,” she said.

Unbelievable! “I talk just the right amount. It’s charming.”

“Do you always try so hard to impress?” she asked and tilted her head. “Or is all the effort just for me?”

“I don’t need to impress you,” he said and snorted. “My life’s fine. My shop’s brilliant. Oh!” His cell rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and smiled as he read the caller ID. “And that’s my fiancé calling,” he added with a proud smile before he turned to the side and accepted the call. “Hi, Audrey.” That was wonderful timing! He would talk to his lovely fiancé and love of his life while he would leave the devil behind.

“Hi, Phil,” the love of his life said.

And he just knew. His heart sank. “You can’t make it.” He swallowed and started walking. He knew that tone. He recognized the guilt and the excitement.

“I didn’t say that!” Audrey said quickly. “But there’s a concert tomorrow evening and Barbara got sick and they asked if I could help out but I said I needed to talk to you first and …”

“You should say yes.” This was important for her career and they’d last a life time together anyway, he could handle a few more days or months without being in the same city with her.

“You’re the best fiancé in the world!” she said.

He loved the smile in her voice. He smiled too. “Don’t I know it.”

“I call you after the concert. We could skype into the New Year together, what do you think?”

“That’s a brilliant plan from my brilliant fiancé. I’m so proud of you.” He really was. He just missed her.

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

They said their goodbyes. After he ended the call, he noticed steps behind him. He turned around to find Melinda May walking after him.

“Are you following me?” he asked. He hadn’t really meant it when he had accused her of spying but this gave him pause.

“You’re still holding my purse,” she said dryly.

Crap! His left hand was clenched around the clutch. Crap! “Sorry.” He handed her the purse.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Her voice was soft just like it had been when they had been talking about brownies. Somehow that soothed him. Somehow that made him want to tell her everything. And that made him dislike her even more.

So he raised his chin and turned around. “Couldn’t be better,” he said as he walked away from her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Skye has news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, the third chapter within three days! I’m proud of myself and so grateful to you and all your likes and especially your comments! Thank you so much for giving me the support I need to write this! I’m very excited and very nervous about this chapter. I hope you like it!

_Dear booklover62_

_New Year’s tomorrow. Sometimes it’s so easy to forget that even the rudest jerk is just a human. And sometimes life throws that truth into your face. Today I had an encounter like that. There’s this man and he decided we’d be enemies. I think he’s hurting. - Maybe part of it is my fault._

_As strange as it may sound, but he made me think of you. His fiancé is also called Audrey._

_In case we don’t talk again before: Have a Happy New Year!_

_Your friend_  
 _bookish-ninja_

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_I’m on my way to the airport to surprise my Audrey, so just quick: In my experience, people are great at causing their own misery. Or at holding on to it. Whatever this man may go through, I doubt it has much to do with you._

_Happy New Year to you too!_

_Your friend_  
 _booklover62_

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_I kissed a stranger for New Year’s. I’ve been kissing strangers ever since my divorce. There’s something so comfortable about it. The agreement that we don’t have strings. I’m not lonely. I’m happy with my life and I haven’t met anyone worth making changes for._

_I’m re-reading Hunting and Gathering by Anna Gavalda in french at the moment. Have you read it? I prefer to read books in their original language whenever I can. - Does that sound very pretentious? - Anyway, my point is that the original titleis “Esemble, c’est tout” which directly translates to “Together, that’s it” - I think that fits the story much better than Hunting and Gathering. It’s a story about how people can connect with each other. - Or at least that’s what I take from it whenever I read it._

_Your friend_  
 _bookish-ninja_

o0o

Late April Melinda and Maria went to L.A. They needed to check on their business there and Skye managed to join them for a wonderful week. They all had missed the ocean.

Booklover62 and she had exchanged messages almost every other day throughout the last month. They had decided to read Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl together. - Well, at the same time. They both hadn’t read the book before and sharing that with him had been fun.

But now it was July and they were back in New York. He hadn’t written to her in four days. They had spent longer times not writing before, but she missed him. She missed the ocean too. It made the summer heat a little easier to endure. Ice cream wasn’t quite as effective, but better than nothing.

Melinda licked on the caramel sundae Skye had bought for her. Skye had insisted they’d take a walk through Manhattan together and since they’d only had the weekend together before she’d leave again, Melinda happily obliged. It distracted her a little from thinking about booklover62. - Not that this was the only reason she enjoyed spending time with Skye! Not by far!

Skye had arrived Friday evening and she’d stay until Monday morning before she’d leave for a trip to Chicago with one of her college friends. Melinda suspected he might become a little more than just a friend. Skye had mentioned him a lot during their time in L.A. From what her daughter had told her, Antoine Triplett seemed to be a good man.

Skye wore shorts and a loose top, Melinda wore a black dress and flats. After their stroll she wanted to go to the office for just an hour to check the numbers of today. But Sunday would be just for them. Victoria and Anna had made them promise, they’d visit for a Sunday dinner, so they would do that.

“Where are you leading me?” Melinda asked as they turned another corner.

Skye licked away a drop of ice cream that ran down the cone. “You know I love you, right?”

All that was left of her sundae was the cone, so Melinda threw it in the trash before she looked at her daughter. “Skye, what did you do?”

“And you love me too, right?” Skye slowed down her steps and stopped.

Melinda turned to her. “Skye?!”

But Skye glanced over Melinda’s shoulder into a shopping window behind them. “What’s he doing?”

“Who?” Melinda looked over her shoulder. And then she saw him. Oh no.

“Is he packing?” asked Skye.

They stood in front of Phil Coulson’s shop. Inside, he was packing a few things into a cardboard box at the counter. He wore jeans and a grey t-shirt. He had lovely arms, but there was a tenseness in his body she didn’t like. The shelves in the shop were empty. He had his back to them but Melinda was sure he wouldn’t be pleased to see her here.

“What is going on?” she asked sternly.

Skye took a deep breath. “Phil Coulson is booklover62.”

“Excuse me?” Melinda stared at her daughter. Her heart started racing. She must’ve misheard! Because this couldn’t be. Yes, he also had a fiancé named Audrey but that was pure coincidence, right? Because Coulson was set on hating her and booklover62 was … He was friend. And he was important to her. He couldn’t be Phil Coulson!

“It’s him,” Skye said. “I did some research.” She looked terribly guilty, with her shoulders pulled up. “We need to update your computer software. They’re way too easy too hack.”

“Did you hack -?”

“He could’ve been an axe-murderer, mom!”

Unbelievable! How could she betray her trust like that?

Skye swallowed hard. “Once I figured out which web-forum you used, it was easy to find booklover62 and track his IP. His computers need a security update too.” She focused on her ice cream cone that she held with both hands. “I just dug until I found his real identity but I could find more, if you’d like.”

Melinda tried to take calming breaths.

Skye looked at her. “Mom?”

She would not strangle her daughter!

“Mom, really. You were messaging with that guy for almost three years now and clearly you came to care for him, I had to do something! He could’ve been -” With every word, Skye’s voice lost in volume.

“Did you read our messages?” asked Melinda as quietly as she could.

Skye shrugged. “Was too afraid of my mother cyber-sexting things up.”

Melinda pressed her lips together and glared.

“Not funny yet?” asked Skye and tried to smile.

Melinda tilted her head and clenched her hands.

Skye looked down. “He has no priors,” she mumbled. “I checked for that too. I’m pretty sure he isn’t an axe murder, so …”

“We talk about this at home,” Melinda hissed.

“You!” a man cursed behind her. And of course there he stood. Phil Coulson, holding the cardboard box. “Did you come here to gloat?” He had his gaze fixed on Melinda. “I never took you for that petty.”

“No, that was my -” tried Skye, but Coulson ignored her.

“Happy that you ruined my family business?” he growled at Melinda and raised a brow. “My parents opened this shop. It was my last connection to them and you took that. Does that satisfy you? To take so much history and meaning and just crush it for your own profit? You cruel, soulless - ”

“Shut up!” Skye snapped sharply.

“Skye!” Melinda stared at her. She had never heard that tone in her daughter’s voice!

“No!” Skye held up a hand as she glared at Coulson. “My mother is too classy to say anything but I’m not at that level of maturity yet and you’re behaving like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum. My mother isn’t responsible for your failings. You’re both in the same business, hers is more successful than yours and you can’t blame anybody but yourself for that!”

Skye took Melinda’s hand and pulled her away.

“I’m so sorry,” mumbled Skye. “That was a disaster.”

It truly had been.

“Not completely your fault,” Melinda mumbled. Melinda pressed her lips together and kept walking. Phil Coulson was booklover62. That wonderful stranger who felt so very close to her. Who felt like a confidant. - A friend – hated her.

And he hadn’t written to her for four days.

Her heart felt heavy.

o0o

After closing his parents’ bookshop for the very last time, he hadn’t left his apartment for three days. It seemed as everything was just too much effort. He couldn’t even write an email. He missed reading from bookish-ninja. He missed the calmness in her words. In her last message to him she had sounded so excited. She had told him her daughter would visit him. She had nagged him about his novel. But he hadn’t written a word. That was almost a week ago.

All he did now was sitting in front of the tv and zapping through the channels.

He was watching a rerun of some fantasy-spy show when someone rang his door bell. Since he hadn’t ordered any food, he ignored it.

Five minutes later, someone knocked at his door.

“Coulson?”

He straightened up on his sofa. Was that Simmons?

“Coulson? Are you there?”

With Fitz?

“Of course he’s there,” he heard Simmons say. “Fury said he’s not leaving the apartment so where else would he be?”

Fitz answered something Phil couldn’t understand.

“Coulson, please open up!” Simmons said louder. “Please don’t be mad at us!”

Mad at them? He frowned. Why would he be mad at them?

“Our scholarships won’t pay for the science trip we want to take next year and without our job with you, we needed to find something else,” Simmons said. “We feel really bad!”

Yes, their trip! They wanted to go to Brazil to study some very special energy fields or something. They had told them about it. And they found other jobs already? But that was fantastic! Phil stood up and walked towards the door. He had been so worried about the consequences his failure might have for them!

“And she only pays us a little more than you do,” said Fitz. Then he winced.

Phil assumed that Simmons had punched him. Phil opened the door and his former employes stared at him.

“You have jobs?” Phil asked.

“We’re really sorry,” said Simmons. Fitz nodded.

“And we want you to know,” added Simmons, “that even though we now work for May Books …”

“We still stick to the principles you taught us,” finished Fitz.

“The customer always comes first,” said Simmons. Then she shrugged and crossed her arms. “May said that’s her first principle too.”

Phil was speechless. May, the person he had cast as the heartless monster had hired them? He thought about their last encounter and again shame washed over him.

“She doesn’t really smile,” said Fitz, “but other than that she’s not a bad boss.”

“Not as good as you, obviously,” added Simmons quickly.

Phil sighed and nodded briefly before he smiled. “Okay.”

Simmons squinted at him. “Are you okay, Sir?”

“Yes.”

“Might I suggest a shower, then?”

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while. Do you know the poem “One Art” by Elisabeth Bishop? The art of losing isn’t hard to master …_

_Audrey and I broke up. I visited her again after not seeing each other for almost five months. It was lovely and yet there was this disconnection between us. I still don’t know how to describe it. - Embarrassing for an author, really. I wasn’t sad leaving her. She wasn’t sad watching me go and I haven’t missed her in a long time._

_I lost my business and that hurt. Felt like losing my parents again, which is irrational and silly, but I can’t help it._

_But the worst is that I’m losing myself. Remember when I wrote to you on the last day of December that most people are responsible for their own misery. I think I’m one of them._

_I snapped at someone a few days ago. It was bad and I was out of line and it wasn’t even about them. A teenager had to yell to make me stop. How could it come to that? I don’t recognize myself._

_Have you ever felt like that?_

_Two of my friends visited me today and that helped. I still haven’t figured out my own future but I don’t worry about theirs anymore. I didn’t even realize how much I did before that weight was lifted._

_Anyway, I hope you’re well._

_Your friend  
booklover62_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys all so very much for your sweet comments and your support! I couldn’t do this without you. I’m quite excited about this chapter. It’s lighter than the one before and I hope you’ll enjoy it too!

Things were looking up. - No, really! They were! Sure, he was still jobless and still broken up with his ex fiancé, but yesterday he had written five new pages of his novel and he and Steve got along great. Steve was his new cat and wonderful company. So yes, things were looking up. Writing so focused really felt great. He didn’t miss the shop as much as he thought he would. Somehow he felt lighter now that he didn’t need to worry about the rent for the shop and how many books he needed to sell to pay all the bills and to not let anybody down.

That lightness, that lack of responsibilities also felt strange. - But not completely horrible. He had some savings he could live on so he decided he would just work on his novel for now.

Phil walked towards his favorite café near Central Park. He deserved a little treat. And some chocolate-y courage.

He needed to apologize to Melinda May for being such a self-involved jerk. And that meant he would have to go to her store and somehow make his way to her office, because where else would he meet her?

The other thing that saddened him was that he hadn’t heard from bookish-ninja for so long. But she probably was just busy. - At least that was what he hoped. - The other option was that he had ruined everything with that last whiney message he had sent. Why had he sent that thing? He was such an idiot. She had clearly told him to keep private things private. He had asked for her forgiveness in a short message two days ago, but still no response. Not a word from her in three weeks.

With his lips pressed together, he opened the door to the bistro for a woman.

“Thank you,” said a familiar voice.

“You!” he gasped. Melinda May now stood in line in front of him and of course she looked gorgeous in a loose, black blouse and tight black pants. She turned to him with a heavy frown on her face. The red lipstick she wore made him think of kissing her which was totally inappropriate and also terribly unrealistic.

She pressed her lips together, her whole body tensed up.

“Sorry,” he said.

She raised a brow and he took a breath.

“I mean …” he tried, “I meant to apologize to you and your daughter, but mostly to you, I guess. I was out of line and unfair and I’m sorry.”

She swallowed and stared at him.

“Yes … erm,” he mumbled. This was a disaster! “I’m sorry, I will leave you alone now. Sorry.” He just turned around and fled. There was no other words to describe his actions.

He wasn’t hungry anymore.

o0o

Melinda was the only one left in the office. Everybody had left an hour ago, but Melinda still sat in front of her computer screen. She tried to tell herself that she just sat here to write a few important business mails, but that wasn’t true. She stared at her inbox. Two unread messages by booklover62 stared right back. Ever since the first message appeared in her inbox three weeks ago, she tried to delete it. Their encounter in front of his shop had been so awful. He had been so very mad at her, so harsh.

It hurt that someone she cared about thought so badly of her. And she should let go, because this clearly would never work, right? This would end in disaster eventually.

She should just delete it and forget about him. Move on. Find somebody else. She bit her lip. But booklover62 was a friend to her. She missed him. She didn’t want to lose him yet.

The second message had arrived two days ago. He was probably worried because she hadn’t answered yet. - Maybe she should just read them and decide then if she should delete them or answer him.

He had apologized to her today, after all. He had been sincere and nervous and so … She sighed again. So cute. Like he had been the first time they met in person when they had shared that brownie and before he had known her name. Damn it. And she really, really wanted to read his messages.

She moved the curser over the first message, when her cell rang. One look at the caller ID made Melinda smile.

“Hi, Skye!”

“Hi mom,” her daughter mumbled. Melinda could picture her with her arms crossed and her shoulders pulled up.

“I’m okay, so skip the guilt,” she said.

“I’m still so sorry about -”

“You didn’t know we met before.”

“Damn me for my melodramatic streak. I just thought the reveal like that would be more effective.”

“Effective it was.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Melinda sighed. That dramatic streak was definitely something that Thomas had given to their daughter. “You couldn’t know that would happen. It’s not your fault he’s a jerk and I’m doing just fine.”

“Are you sure?” Skye asked, still sounding worried. “I could cut my trip short and come back. - I should’ve never left.”

“I made you, remember?”

“Maria says you’re quiet lately.”

“I’m always quiet. I’m the quiet type.” Melinda grinned. “Now stop worrying and tell me about Chicago. How’s Antoine”

“He’s …” There was a smile in Skye’s voice that lasted through her hesitation before she added, “fine.”

“Aha,” Melinda said.

“It’s nothing serious.”

“I was just asking about your trip.”

“That was a cheap shot.”

Yeah, booklover62 would’ve liked the pun. Melinda swallowed. Phil Coulson would’ve liked the pun.

“So you’re really okay?”

“I am.” Melinda forced a smile into her voice. She would be okay. And she would read those messages. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Same. Bye, mom!”

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_How are you? I worry a little. You’re probably just busy with life. I hope my last message didn’t cross any boundaries for you. I know we said no private things when we started this and I ignored that rule yet again. I’m very sorry if I made you uncomfortable. - As I said, I’m not fully myself lately._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet. I’m working through something. I loved reading your last messages._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_No need to apologize. I’m sorry you’re working through something. - In my experience it’s never pleasant though often necessary. I’m here if you’d like to share. If not, well … I’m still here._

_In hope this might amuse you: I’ve been adopted by a cat yesterday. She broke into my home, killed my only plant (it was a cactus) and ate my tuna. But his fur is so soft! And he’s so cute. I might be in love._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

Crap. He was so cute. Damn it. Just so cute! And kind and smart and … damn it.

Melinda sighed heavily. She just liked him. Damn. She needed to tell him who she was. She sighed again as she clicked on the “answer message” button on her screen.

She sat on her bed with her legs criss crossed underneath her. A cup of apple tea stood on the night stand. It was Friday evening and she had about two hours before she would have to meet up with Maria, Tori and Anna for a film festival thing of some sort that Anna forced them all to go to.

Before that, she wanted to give Coulson some truth they both deserved.

She sighed again. She might lose him over this. Maybe she should keep the secret just a little bit longer. Maybe if she could tell him face to face and really explain -

Suddenly a new tap popped up on the side of her screen. It was a little chat window in which messages kept popping up. Messages from booklover62.

“Hi! Can you see this?” was the first one. ”Are you even online?” was the second.

She nibbled on her bottom lip. Her fingertips lingered on her keyboard. A month ago the book-forum they used had announced the new chat application, but thus far they had never used it.

“I thought we might try out the new chat together. Not sure if it’s working.” he wrote. “I might just be talking to myself. - Not that this never happened, but usually it doesn’t happen in writing. - Wait, that’s also not true. I wrote a diary for like a year when I was a deeply emotional teenager. Most of my entries might’ve been badly composed songs though.”

Oh my, he was so cute! She took a deep breath before she typed, “Hi!” and hit send.

“Can you see my messages?”

“You wrote a diary?”

“I’m just so glad the chat works, I refuse to be embarrassed by that.”

She smiled. “I respect that.”

“So, how are you?”

Heavy loaded question. “I was just about to write to you.” she typed.

“Really? What about?”

She straightened up as she typed. “What do you think about keeping secrets?” Just coming out with the truth felt too crass. She wanted to do this with a little more class. Or maybe she was just playing for time.

“What kind of secret?” he asked.

“It’s something I shouldn’t know but it shapes how I react to certain things.”

“Can’t un-ring the bell …”

“Yes. And now I feel like I blindside someone else.”

“Like you’re betraying them?”

“Their trust, yes.”

“Are you allowed to share that secret? I mean, is it your own or did you promise someone else not to tell?”

She nibbled on her bottom lip. “I feel like I’m obligated to tell, but if I do I will lose someone I care about.”

“But if you don’t, your relationship is tainted and you’re giving up part of your own integrity.”

“Yes.”

“Though one.”

“What would you do?” She hoped he might give her the excuse to drag this thing between them out a little longer. Her heart raced as she waited for his answer.

“If I wouldn’t be keeping the secret for somebody else and if there weren’t any great reasons to keep it, I think I’d risk telling the truth. I prefer to have clear fronts and if that secret could bring someone to abandon you, they’re probably not worth your friendship anyway. - Unless your secret is that you killed someone.”

“I didn’t kill anyone.” She smiled. She would really miss him. But he also had a point.

“You should be good, then.” he wrote.

Oh dear. She took a deep breath. “May I ask something else?”

“Of course!”

“You can say no.”

“And I will if your preposition is inappropriate.” She imagined him grinning as he typed this.

Damn. Her fingers danced over the keyboard as she tried to compose the perfect question that would make him say yes. Her palms started to sweat.

“Maybe if you got some time” - No, not like that. She marked everything and hit delete.

“If you maybe would like to” Also bad. Delete.

“Or like one day, if you’d like, we could” That made her sound like a teenager. No, no, no …

“Are you still there?” he asked.

Crap. “Yes, sorry, I’m working on my question.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It would cross some boundaries.”

“Okay, now you have to ask because all I can think about is this gay couple who asked that one guy’s sister to carry their child to term.”

Though she felt so nervous, she had to laugh at that. “Excuse me?”

“I watched a lot of television lately.”

“And you do know that you can’t get pregnant, right?”

“Did you ever watch the movie Junior?”

Oh, damn, she liked him. She took a deep breath and typed; “Would you like to meet me for coffee?”

“Yes.”

“I know I said no private details but we know each other so much better now and we live in the same city and I thought that maybe we could meet.”

“I already said yes.”

“I just saw. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Usually I’m the one that rambles so it’s nice to see someone else in that role. - So how do we go about that?”

“Do you know that little café called “Chocolate Heaven” east side of central park?” That was the café where he had apologized to her, so she knew he knew it but of course she couldn’t tell him that. She hoped it would be a place he liked to go to.

“They make fantastic brownies.” he wrote.

She always went there because of the brownies too. “We could meet there maybe Sunday afternoon? At four? We both could bring our copy of Special Topics in Calamity Physics.”

“Old school.”

"I’m sorry.”

“No, that makes me feel like we’re spies. I like old school. Captain America is old school and he’s just the best. Sunday sounds great!”

“Perfect!” she wrote and swallowed hard. Two more days. She just hoped he’d give her a chance and listen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda waits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to take yesterday off, but today I’m back with chapter 7! Thank you all so much for all your support! I’m so happy you enjoyed the last chapter and I got such great responses, I’m blown away, thank you! I hope you’ll enjoy this one too. :)

Two more hours until she would meet with Phil Coulson. Melinda forked up some spaghetti with basel pesto and lifted it to her mouth as she watched Tori and Anna argue about who of the two of them was the better dancer. They, Maria and Melinda had lunch at a little italian Bistro Tori and Anna loved. Melinda figured they’d spent another hour here. It wasn’t as distracting as she hoped it might be. Her thoughts circled around Phil Coulson. What if he’d just take a look at her and run the other way? What if he’d just stand her up?

Slowly, she chewed on her pasta.

“My dance moves would leave you breathless,” said Anna.

Tori grinned. “Your kisses leave me breathless, love. But I’m the better dancer!”

What if Coulson would yell at her again for taking away the last connection to his dead parents? Because that had felt horrible. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. - No, she was almost convinced it was a terrible idea. But what else was she to do? He had to find out at some point. So she would go home after lunch, change and freshen up so she’d look her best and then she would just convince him with all her charm to give them a change. Or to at least give their friendship a chance. It didn’t have to be romance.

She curled up more spaghetti and nibbled on her bottom lip. He just smelled really good and she liked his eyes and his arms and when he wasn’t mad at her, he just was so … kissable.

Maria frowned at Melinda. “You look different,” she said.

Oh crap! “I’m wearing a new dress,” she replied and looked at her plate.

“Yes, but you do that all the time,” said Maria and squinted.

Anna nodded. “You love clothes.”

“It’s impressive how many different black dresses you can find, really,” said Tori with a grin.

Melinda rolled her eyes. But being mocked by them was still better than having to talk about Phil Coulson. She just wasn’t ready to talk about him yet. - Her friends didn’t even know that she exchanged messages with someone for so long. It was bad enough that Skye knew.

Anna tilted her head. “It’s not the hair either.”

“We’ve seen that lipstick color before, too,” said Tori and nodded slowly.

“There’s just something …” Maria sighed and shrugged, “off.” Then she straightened up and grinned. “You’re nervous!”

“Am not.” Melinda concentrated on her pasta.

“You are!” said Tori and Anna in union.

“What’s going on?” Maria asked.

Melinda looked her in the eye. “Dentist appointment tomorrow,” she said without blinking. - Because that was the kind of thing people got nervous about, right?

Maria snorted. “You’re not scared of the dentist.”

Because she had great teeth and for everything else there were painkillers. Melinda pressed her lips together.

“What’s your next excuse?” asked Anna with a grin.

Melinda sighed. “I won’t give you one.”

Tori grinned too. “So you’ll tell us what you’re nervous about?”

“Yes, who made you nervous and when will we meet them?” asked Maria.

She loved her friends, really. But in moments like this, they made it hard to like them. - And at the same time she felt a little guilty for being so private. Usually she shared her boy-stories with them but this was something else. He was so much more important than she liked to admit and she might lose him. “Might be nothing and I’m not ready to talk about it until I have more information,” she said.

For a moment her friends just looked at her. Then Anna nodded. “Okay.”

When Maria opened her mouth, Anna shushed her. “When she’s ready, she’ll tell us,” she said and shot Maria a warning glance.

“Fine,” said Maria. “So will you take Tori dancing soon or will you have a dance off right here?”

o0o

He was twenty minutes late already but she was sure it was just traffic holding him up. Melinda swallowed and checked her phone. No new messages either. Crap.

Hear heart sank. She sipped on her tea and stared at the window. Whenever she saw a shadow getting close to the entrance, she straightened up. But it was never him.

Ten more minutes and he still wasn’t here. Maybe he had gotten sick. Maybe he had food poisoning and was too busy barfing to message her.

She checked her phone again. Still nothing. Five more minutes passed by. No sign of him.

Maybe he had gotten in a car accident. Or he saw her sitting here with the book and a cup of tea and he ran the other way.

o0o

He was more nervous about meeting bookish-ninja than on his first date with Audrey. He had showered twice because at first try he had used way too much after shave and he didn’t want to meet her smelling like he bathed in that stuff. He had changed his outfit maybe five times until he had settled on jeans, a dark green shirt and his brown leather jacket. Steve was cross with him because he hadn’t allowed the cat near him after his second shower. He had spent ten minutes to get rid of all the cat hair on his shirt.

After looking at his watch again, Phil fastened up his step. He almost there. He had left home way too early, but half way there, he had noticed he hadn’t brought the book with him. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

A house before the bistro, he stopped and took a deep breath. Now he was two minutes late, panting and a little sweaty. And she was probably sitting in the bistro and getting mad at him for being late. Or thinking he might not show up. Crap. He needed to compose himself before he went in there. Because this was important. He had never met anybody like her. He had never felt as close to anybody as he felt to her. He swallowed hard as his breathing calmed down.

But what if they didn’t click in person? What if they had no chemistry? - He doubted that. He was sure that she would be beautiful. But what if he would ramble and ruin everything? What if she didn’t even come?

Sure, she had asked him here, but what if she had changed her mind? Or what if she wanted to meet with him just to introduce him to the love of her life? Some hot stud named Thomas? - Sometimes being a writer really was a curse! - Crap.

“You look terrified,” said someone next to him.

He flinched and looked to his left.” Fury! Damn!”

“What are you doing here?” Fury asked. As always he wore his black leather coat and his eye patch.

Phil took a breath. “None of your business.” And he had no time to deal with him now.

Fury grinned. “Telling me might calm you down.”

“I’m calm.”

Fury crossed his arms. Crap.

“I’m having a date and I’m already late,” Phil mumbled and looked at his watch again.

“Hurry up, then!”

Well, he was about to! Phil gestured with the book in his hand. “I don’t know her real name and we’ll recognize each other because of the book but I think she might be the one for me and right now she’s sitting in that café,” he rambled. He just couldn’t hold the words back. His heart was racing. “Unless she’s late but she’s not the type for that. - So she’s sitting there, waiting for me.”

“Hurry up and get in there!”

He wanted to! “But she’s very important to me.”

“Then don’t make her wait!”

“But -”

“Coulson, God damn it, get your ass in there!”

“Maybe she isn’t there yet.”

“You haven’t looked through the window yet?”

“I’m not sure my mind is working right now.”

Fury shook his head in bewilderment. “Holy crap.”

Phil sighed. He was a hot mess. “I haven’t slept last night,” he said. His eyes widened as Fury turned away and walked towards the bistro. “What are you doing?”

“Checking if she’s there …” Fury said and looked through the window. Then he laughed out loud.

Phil started sweating again. “What?”

“I told you so!” Still laughing, Fury turned back to him.

“What?” His hands clenched around the book.

“Melinda May is sitting at one of the tables,” said Fury very cheerful, “looking at her wrist watch and with that same book on the table that you’re holding.”

Phil’s heart almost stopped. Melinda May was bookish-ninja? The gorgeous, unreachable, untouchable Melinda May was smart, wise and gentle bookish-ninja? “That’s horrible,” he breathed out. He felt an attraction to the first and deep admiration for the latter. Absolutely horrible.

“I told you you two had chemistry,” said Fury.

Phil wanted to throw the book at him. “She hates me!” This was a complete disaster. Because Melinda May was classy and gracious and she had been sweet before he had started yelling at her at the fundraiser and. Gosh, just … bookish-ninja was so very important to him. If he’d go to meet her now, he’d lose her.

She had been so very unimpressed with him when he had apologized to her in that same bistro a while ago and he was sure, she’d be unimpressed with him if he’d walk in now, five minutes late, sweaty and holding that book. She would leave him behind and block his contacts before he’d even be able to explain himself!

This was unacceptable.

Going in wasn’t an option. He turned on his heel.

“Where are you going?” asked Fury.

“Fixing this.”

“By running away?”

“If I go in there now and she sees that it’s just me, the mean jerk with no business sense, I’ll lose her.” He would. He had no doubt about it.

“So you’re running away?”

“No. I’m switching to plan B.”

“You have a plan?” Fury called after him.

“Yes.” - The plan was to make a plan.

“Still looks like you’re running away!”

Phil didn’t look back as he hurried back home. He needed to find a way to apologize to her again, so she would actually believe him. Then he needed to make her want to spend time with him so he could show her that he could very much be the man she had learned to know through his letters. Because she must like him somewhat, right? She had called him a friend, she had written that she trusted him. She had asked his opinion about that secret situation.

All that meant something, right? She felt something too, at least for booklover62.

And maybe, if she’d give him a chance, she might come to like Phil Coulson too.

But before all that he needed to come up with a really good message to explain his absence.

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja,_

_My cat barfed on me today. I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it to our meeting and that I made you wait for this long. I couldn’t write to you any sooner. I would’ve loved sitting with you in that little café and talk to you face to face._

_I’ve been thinking about timing a lot lately. Do you think we could wait a little longer until we reveal our identities? I just have the feeling that it’s not the right moment for us yet. - I might sound crazy or superstitious, but could you trust me with this and give us some more time?_

_Your friend_  
 _booklover62_

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil asks a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little under the weather yesterday and spent most of today baking and doing other Christmas-y things, but I didn’t want to let you wait for another day. You’ve all been great and so supportive! Thank you for your comments! This is for all of you, I hope you enjoy. As always, I love to hear from you!

_Dear booklover62_

_Is your cat okay? - If you don’t want to meet yet, we can wait. It doesn’t sound crazy at all. Timing is so very important. The order in which things happen or the circumstances in which you meet people influences everything._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_My cat is fine, he just had me worried for a bit. I overreacted, probably. I’m glad you’re okay with this. I’m glad you give us more time. I just have the feeling that once the timing is right, a meeting will be great. - I just have to loosen up some things first._

_Have you finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics yet? Because I did and loved it._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

It took him a month to get his plan into action. For a month he sat in the little bistro and wrote in hope for her to come in so they could meet. And for a whole month, nothing. But he finished his first draft in the first three weeks. Turned out that sitting in a café to write wasn’t only cliché but also very helpful.

They still exchanged mails over that time, but not as regularly as before, which was his fault, really. His messages grew shorter and shorter because he was afraid to blew his cover. And he missed her.

After he completed the first draft, he came to the bistro to edit, which was somewhat less successful. Editing didn’t captivate him like writing had and he spent most of his time just waiting for her or drafting messages to bookish-ninja he could never send.

It was fall by now. The sun was gentle in its warmth and not as cruel as during the summer. The leaves had started changing colors.

The day she walked into the bistro, she wore a red coat over black pants and blouse. Her lipstick matched the coat and her hair framed her face in loose waves. His heart skipped a beat at her sight. He stood up when she walked past his table. He swallowed. It was now or never.

“Mrs. May?” he asked and made sure to leave enough distance between them. He had gotten close up in her face way too often.

She turned to him and raised a brow.

“I’m sorry to disturb you but I’m sorry. - I mean I wanted to apologize again for being so rude. That shop …” Crap, he was rambling again. He pressed his lips together before he could tell her his whole life story. Then he added, “It wasn’t business for me and I got unprofessional and unfair.”

Yeah, she wasn’t impressed at all. At least she had lowered her brow again. “I understand,” she said.

“And thank you for hiring my people.”

“They’re great.”

His hands started sweating. “Would it be okay if I bought you a walnut caramel brownie? You could take it on the go …”

“Or …?”

“Or you could sit with me, if you’d like the company,” he said quickly, looking away. Because he would get rejected any moment now.

“I’d like that,” she said softly.

He looked at her with widened eyes. “Really?” He had hoped for that answer but he hadn’t expected it at all.

She squinted at him and of course he had said the wrong thing again. She must think that he just invited her to be polite but without any intention of going through with it. Gosh, he was an idiot around that woman!

“No,” he said and pulled back a chair for her, “please sit, I just thought …”

“Thought what?” she asked with her cool voice. All the softness was gone again. Crap.

“You’re very gracious about it all, I didn’t expect that.”

“Because you think I’m cold and cruel?”

Crap. Crap, crap, crap. He slapped himself mentally. “No, because I was and haven’t forgiven myself yet.”

She tilted her head before she nodded shortly. “I forgive you,” she said.

That made him feel warm. “You don’t have to.”

She smiled. “”But I did.”

He smiled too. She truly was amazing. “Would you like a tea to your brownie?” he asked, before he noticed he’d better add something because booklover62 might know that bookish-ninja loved tea, but Phil Coulson didn’t know such thing about Melinda May. “Or coffee? I don’t know what you drink, erm …” Yeah, that went smoothly.

Her smile widened. “A cup of Assam would be nice.”

She had a beautiful smile. He couldn’t help but smile back. His heart skipped another beat. “Have a seat,” he said and gestured at the chair he had pulled back. “Just one sec.” With that he left to get what he had promised her.

Five minutes later he returned to the table and placed a brownie and a cup of tea in front of her on the table.

“Thank you.” She smiled at him again.

He could so get used to that. “You’re welcome.” he said.

Her coat was draped over another chair which made him really happy. She wouldn’t have taken off her coat if she didn’t plan on staying for a while. She raised the cup to her lips and took a sip while she looked at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m working on my novel.” Whenever he said that, it sounded stupid. He felt stupid now.

“What’s it about?” She tilted her head.

“You really want to know? I don’t want to bore you.”

“You’re not boring me.” She grinned. “Yet.”

“It’s about a bookshop owner.”

She raised a brow.

“It’s not about me!” Now he really felt stupid.

She kept grinning at him, holding the tea in both hands.

“It’s about this bookshop owner who’s husband died in a mugging and now she tries to fix the world by handing out stories she thinks people need.”

“That sounds great.”

“Really?”

She nodded.

Time for the next step of his plan. “I have a crazy idea and you can totally say no,” he said, hoping he sounded spontaneous and not like he had this planned on asking this for weeks.

She put down the cup.

Another now or never moment. He took a breath. “I finished the first draft and I could use some fresh eyes and … ” He hesitated. How could he say that so it would make want to say yes?

“You want me to read it?” she asked.

“You don’t have to …” He swallowed. “I just thought I criticized you enough and maybe you’d like to return the favor.”

She reached for her coat.

“I’m making you uncomfortable again, I’m sorry, I -”

She pulled something out of the inner pocket of the coat. “This is my card.” she said and placed a white card with black, elegant font on the table close to him. “Send me the first chapter as a pdf.”

“Or I could bring you a printed copy to your office.”

“Pdf is fine.”

“Of course.” Damn. He needed to take it slow with her, give her some time and distance. Maybe in two weeks or so, if she had mailed him back by then, he could ask her -”

“Maybe we could meet sometime to discuss it?” she interrupted his thoughts.

She always surprised him!

She swallowed and looked away. “Or I’ll just send you my comments per mail.”

“A meeting would be great!” he said, probably sounding way too excited. But she smiled at him again and he didn’t care.

“How about Thursday?” she asked. “I could do lunch, if you’re free?”

“I’m free. I mean, yes. I mean, what time would suit you?” Just six more days and he’d see her again. That was so much better than he had hoped for!

“One o’clock?”

“Where would you like to meet?” He’d go anywhere.

“There’s an Italian place around the corner of May Books.”

“They make great pasta.”

“Yes.”

“So would you like to meet me there at one?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect.” He smiled at her. This was going great and his plan was brilliant!

Then she looked at her watch and grabbed her coat. “I have to go,” she said, sounding a little guilty.

“Of course, I’m sorry to -”

“No. I …” She shrugged, took the brownie and raised it. “Thanks!”

He watched her leave and smiled. In six days he would see her again.

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_I understand your reaction. The first time my daughter got sick, I overreacted too. I think it’s much easier to deal with one’s own pain than with the pain of a loved one. I’m glad your cat is okay again._

_I finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics too and also enjoyed it._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

Waiting to meet him again was even more eating at her patience than waiting for a message from booklover62 had been. She still loved reading his messages, but getting to be with him was something different. She didn’t know what happened after he had stood her up, but she was so grateful that she had some more time to allow him to get to know her as Melinda before she would reveal herself to him. And she was grateful that he had asked to keep their identities secret. Ever since he did, she only felt half as guilty, because now she was respecting his wishes. And he had asked her out. - Well, he had asked for her expertise, but still. Technically he had asked her out.

She smiled whenever she thought about their encounter in the bistro. Maria already got suspicious. Melinda suspected that Anna must’ve given both Maria and Tori a stern talking to, because neither had asked about what was going on with her again.

On Thursday, he already stood outside the restaurant when she arrived. In her bag she carried a printed copy of his first two chapters.

He walked up to her with a smile, his hands buried in the pockets of his brown leather jacket. “You’re early!”

She had to chuckle at that. “And you’re waiting for me.”

“It’s just …” He blushed and shrugged as he opened the door to the restaurant for her. “You’re the first to ever read anything of what I’ve written. And I know I sent you the whole story instead of the first chapter but I thought if it’s bad you’d just stop reading. Is it very bad? You can be honest. I critiqued you more than enough. I feel like this is karma.” While he talked, they walked up to a table. “Could you please say something?”

She would if he’d pause long enough for her to get a word in.

He sighed. “Good point. I’m nervous.”

And he was absolutely adorable.

“I’m quiet now,” he said and pulled back a chair for her. She loved that he always did that. She loved that he was so attentive.

“Would you like to order something?” he asked and sat down as well, his eyes scanning the room for a waiter. “Maybe some water? You must be hungry. This is your lunch break and -”

“Mr. Coulson,” she interrupted him.

“Please call me Phil.” The response came quickly like a reflex.

“Phil,” she said. She liked saying that. She liked it a lot.

He took a breath. “Yes?”

“I loved it,” she said.

“Please don’t be cruel,” he begged. Poor guy.

“I read the whole script because I couldn’t put it down.” That was true. All she had done last Sunday had been reading his novel. She had told him before she would love reading a book full of his words and she had been right.

He stared at her and blinked.

She frowned. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I’m just …” He sighed and tilted his head. “You liked it?” He sounded so surprised and relieved, she just had to smile.

“You’re really good with words, the characters are human and the plot is interesting. It’s a promising first draft.”

Again, he stared at her. He seemed a little shocked.

She swallowed and reached into her bag to pull out the first two chapters. “I didn’t formulate many questions yet, but last night I looked at the first chapter again and made some comments.” She placed the folder on the table and rested her flat hand on it. “Would you like to read them?”

A smile blossomed on his face. “I’d love that.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil's sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support! I’m sorry I didn’t post yesterday. There was just so much other stuff going on. But I’m doing something crazy today and I’m gonna attempt to finish this story today. I feel like it’s either today or next year, so I opt for today! I hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think, I could sure use an energy boost!

_Dear bookish-ninja_

_I’m sorry I’m so quiet lately. There’s just … something I’m working on. I’m excited and I think it’ll be something good. - I hope you’ll think so too, once I can share it with you._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

On one hand she was grateful for this explanation, on the other hand, it saddened her. She had worried because so far booklover62 hadn’t told bookish-ninja about the completed manuscript and she had worried that he had lost interest in her. And now it sounded like he used her to help him get it in better shape for when he’ll give it to bookish-ninja. Damn. She had hoped that maybe he wrote less and less to bookish-ninja because he was too busy enjoying his time with her. - That was ridiculous because she was both, but he didn’t know and she just … If he’d be disappointed now if he’d find that out, there would be nothing left for her to do. And she was scared that maybe he’d get mad. Maybe he’d think she tried to trick him like he had thought she tried to play with him the day they first met.

By early December they had worked themselves through the first half of the book already. They had met at least twice a week to talk about the story and discuss sentences and plot twists and the behavior of characters. He was open to her thoughts and she was always impressed with his great creativity. And she loved spending time with him.

Melinda looked out the window while the taxi driver navigated them through the streets of New York. Five minutes before she had gotten a chicken soup to go from her favorite soul food restaurant.

She was in love with him. She had been attracted to booklover62’s mind, but she was in love with Phil Coulson. Of course that worried her. They had become friends and she was grateful to have him in her life, but she worried that it was all that she was to him. A likeminded spirit. Which was great. She didn’t want to lose that. But …

She pressed her lips together. She just wanted to kiss him so badly.

He had cancelled today’s lunch because he was sick. Poor guy. He hadn’t seemed so well two days ago when they last had met, so she wasn’t completely surprised by this.

With a styrofoam box in her hands, she got out of the cap and walked up to the house he lived in. They had met here once in October and he had cooked for her. Steak, kale and baby potatoes. The food had been great and they had talked through five chapters of the book that day. Fortunately his cat seemed to like her. But they hadn’t kissed. They hadn’t even touched.

Ever since they started meeting to work on his novel, they maybe had touched three times.

Maybe he just didn’t feel the attraction? But friendship was great too. And friends brought friends soup when they were sick, right?

She swallowed before she pressed the doorbell.

A few moments later she stood in front of his door. He stood in the opened door, wearing a white loose and fluffy bathrobe over black sweatpants and a red shirt with the Captain America logo on the front. The red slippers he wore also had the logo. He looked pale except for his reddened eyes. When he saw her, his eyes widened and he quickly pulled the bathrobe around his body.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and took a step back as she came closer. “You’ll get sick, too!” He sounded like his nose was stuffed. Poor guy!

“I’m bringing you soup.” She held up the box and smiled.

Slowly he looked from her eyes to the box and back. “Soup?”

“I bought it at my favorite restaurant. First I wanted to get it at the diner around the corner but it looked unhygienic.” If she hadn’t done that, she would’ve been here fifteen minutes earlier. But she wouldn’t tell him that. “You can call me snobbish now,” she added and tilted her head.

He grinned at that. “You do have trust issues.”

“True.”

“You really should go before you catch something.”

“I won’t get sick.”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course you won’t.”

“I’m stubborn like that.”

They grinned at each other.

“Thanks for the soup,” he said.

“You gonna take it?” she asked and smiled too. Thus far she was still the one holding it.

He pulled up his shoulders and reached out his right hand. “Sorry.” He took the box from her and suddenly her hands were free.

Still smiling, she shook her head. “How are you?” She really wanted to touch him.

“Fine,” he said.

She looked at him. “You’re shaking. You’re pale and …” She cradled his face with her left hand placed her right one on his forehead. “You’re running a fever,” she said. His skin was hot, but not worrisomely so. She had done this whenever Skye had been sick so she had some references to compare to.

He swallowed hard. “Your hands are cool.”

Crap. She hadn’t even noticed that she was touching him. Well, of course she had noticed but she hadn’t thought about it. “I’m sorry.”

“It feels really nice,” he said and sighed.

That was great news because she wanted to touch him a little longer. They looked at each other and she felt the thin layer of sweat on his skin, the short stubble of his beard. “You should lie down,” she said. He really didn’t look good. She moved her right hand from his forehead to his cheek.

“Thanks for visiting me and for the soup.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re really beautiful.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Sometimes she caught him looking at her and of course she had hoped but so far he never had said anything.

“Was that inappropriate to say?” He frowned. “Because I’m running a fever and I’m not sure what I’m talking about.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Am I still talking? I can hear words.”

“I don’t mind,” she said smiling. She loved hearing that. She loved that he thought that. He was adorable. She smiled and stroked his cheek. Gosh, if the situation wouldn’t be as it was, she’d kiss him.

Her hands were warm by now and there really wasn’t any reason to keep touching him but she couldn’t bring herself to let go yet.

With his eyes still closed, he leaned into her touch. “I love looking at you.”

That made her giggle. That was definitely the fever talking! But it was so good to hear. He smiled and it was comfortable and sweet. She tiptoed and kissed his forehead before she left.

Maybe soon they would kiss. Maybe soon they wouldn’t need their secret identities any more.

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_You don’t have to apologize. We seem to be in similar situations. I hope you’re well and I’m sure I’ll love it – whatever it may be. I’m here for whenever you decide to share._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

Melinda looked at the clock at the top right corner of her computer. Two more hours and she’d have lunch with Phil. She smiled involuntarily. Yesterday he had called her and told her that finally he was back in good health and that he’d like to meet. And she was so excited! He had called her beautiful. Her smile widened.

“You look cheery,” said Maria. - That woman needed to learn how to knock! - Then again Melinda always kept her office door open and she liked that Maria and she worked so well and close together. But still. Right now she felt caught.

She straightened up behind her desk and raised a brow. “What can I do for you?”

Maria raised up the files she held in her hands and carried them over to the desk where she put them on the to do pack. “New book releases next month,” she said. Then she squinted. “Ready to talk yet?”

“About what?”

“You’re in a better mood now,” said Maria, “so I’m not that worried anymore. But you spent a lot of lunch breaks out of the office.” She sighed dramatically. “You take lunch breaks!”

Melinda grinned. “Sometimes people get hungry in the middle of the day.”

“But you are okay, right?” Maria asked with real concern in her voice.

“You just said I’m in a better mood recently.”

Maria nodded slowly. “Good, because if someone’s hurting you I will find out and punish them.”

She had the best friends. Melinda felt warm. And she was so excited, she just had to tell someone. “I think I’m kinda sorta dating Phil Coulson,” she said.

Maria stared at her.

“I really like him.”

Still no response.

Melinda swallowed. “He’s sweet and smart and he doesn’t bore me at all and I think he likes me too.” She loved how he said her name. On that first day when they had talked about the first two chapters and he had told her to call him Phil, she later had told him to call her Melinda. And she loved how soft her name sounded coming from him. Whenever he called her that, she wanted to snuggle up against him like she had seen Steve do that time he had cooked for her.

Now Maria smiled.

Melinda raised a brow. “What?”

“Nothing.” Maria said, still smiling. She shrugged. “It’s just so good to see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Happy and excited.”

Yes, that was what she felt like. Melinda smiled too. Happy and exited and hopeful. He thought she was beautiful and she remembered the way he had leaned into her touch.

“But if he hurts you, I’ll gut him,” Maria said. Her voice and expression still seemed happy.

Melinda giggled. Sometimes she wondered if Maria hadn’t turned into a kick ass spy, wouldn’t she have chosen to work in the book industry. “Can we get back to work now?” she asked.

Maria grinned. “You’re the one talking about boys!”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they prepare for a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS AND THE ENERGY BOOSTS! I needed that for this last sprint! I read them all and will reply to each of them tomorrow morning when I’m a little rested. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. This last chapter is for all of you! I hope you enjoy it. :)

He sat in the café and worked through the comments Melinda had given him to the fifth to last chapter. Well, he looked at her elegant handwriting at the sides of his printed novel while he munched on one of those brilliant walnut caramel brownies, but still. Ever since he had waited for that spontaneous meeting with her, he felt like this place just covered all his basic needs to work on his writing, so he made it part of his routine. Regular lunches with Melinda were part of that routine too.

He smiled as he thought about their meeting yesterday. He was finally healthy again and it had been so good to see her. He loved that she didn’t seem to mind when he leaned in to read something she pointed at. She had touched him again. Just his shoulder, just briefly, but still. He had longed to kiss her the whole time, but there still was this secret between them.

He sighed. He really needed to fix that. Their next meeting would be Sunday. They had decided to go to brunch together and he looked forward to it already. he was so in love, it was almost ridiculous. He finally understood why Fury had always insisted that Audrey hadn’t been right for him. Audrey was wonderful and he wished her all the best. He had always felt safe with her. He felt safe with Melinda too. She grounded him. And she excited him. He felt more alive whenever she was close.

In the corner of his eye, he noticed someone approaching. At first he thought it might be Melinda and his heart skipped a beat, before he got disappointed.

Fury sat down next to him. “Thought I was her, eh?”

Now he felt guilty. “Nice to see you, Fury,” he said and smiled at his friend.

Fury leaned back on his chair and bit into a cream cone. “Have you kissed her yet?”

And his guilt was gone. “Does privacy mean anything to you?”

“Deflecting my questions will get you nowhere.”

Gosh, Fury could be infuriating!

“So you haven’t kissed her,” said Fury.

Phil pressed his lips together.

“You really should kiss her, Coulson.”

“No argument there.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

“She doesn’t know who I am.” And kissing her without telling her the truth first felt like cheating.

“Because of course you haven’t told her yet.” Fury shook his head in pity.

Phil sighed.

“You’re an idiot,” said Fury.

Couldn’t argue with that. Damn it. Phil glared at his friend. “And you’re rude.”

“But smart enough to kiss the woman I love.”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“None of your business.”

“You see what’s happening here?”

“You’re freaking out because you’re in love with Melinda May and you don’t want to risk losing her so you procrastinate your relationship.”

Phil pressed his lips together. He remembered Melinda’s hands on his face when she had brought him the soup and how she had smiled at him. The meeting yesterday had been great and he had touched her arm and she hadn’t flinched and gosh … He so wanted to kiss that woman. “You’re right,” he mumbled.

But of course Fury heard him just fine. “You’re welcome to repeat that whenever you like,” he said.

“You’re also full of yourself.”

“I’m full of brilliance.”

He was full of something. Phil rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have places to be?” he asked.

“Just tell her the truth and kiss her.”

“Will do.” Because Fury was right and because it was time and because he really, really wanted to kiss Melinda May.

Fury stood up and grinned. “That’s my man.”

o0o

_Dear bookish-ninja,_

_I think we should meet. I know it’s just one week until Christmas and I understand if you’re too busy, but I have this feeling that the timing might finally be right._

_I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, I hope that doesn’t scare you. I also thought about relationships and how they change. Because they always do, right? They either get stronger or if they stagnate for too long, they fall apart. I don’t want ours to stagnate. You became very important to me. I know over the last few months it might’ve seemed like I’m pulling away because I’ve been rather quiet, but once we meet, I hope I can explain._

_I would love to see you._

_So I’m giving myself into your hands. Choose a date, choose a place and I’ll be there._

_I promise not even cat puke could stop me this time._

_Your friend_   
_booklover62_

o0o

_Dear booklover62_

_The timing feels right to me too. How about Sunday at four in “Chocolate’s Heaven” with Special Topics in Calamity Physics? - I feel like the place deserves a second chance._

_Your friend_   
_bookish-ninja_

o0o

Their brunch was fine. They talked about the last few chapters of his manuscript and she made some great comments. It was perfectly fine. But she didn’t smile as much and she barely touched her food.

They just had been served fresh tea and he handed her the brown sugar. When their fingers touched, he noticed a look on her he couldn’t read. - That made him worry too. Just four more hours until he would reveal his identity to her. Maybe she was distracted by that? Maybe she would rather be with bookish-ninja than with him? He swallowed. “You’re quiet today,” he said.

She smiled but it was shaky. “I’m always quiet.”

He wanted to believe that maybe she was quiet because she didn’t want to leave him to meet some stranger she met on the internet. He just wished she cared for him too. It didn’t have to be love. That could grow later. He just wanted a chance. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

She looked into her cup as she stirred in the sugar. “This afternoon I’m gonna have to take a next step with someone I …” She nibbled at her bottom lip and glanced at him. “He means a lot to me. A lot.”

His heart sank. “And you’re afraid of things changing?”

She just looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes until he looked away.

“You think he’ll disappoint you?” Because he was afraid he might. Sometimes people had these ideas about people they hadn’t met yet and he was so afraid he might not meet the standards she build up for booklover62.

“I’m bookish-ninja,” she blurred out.

“What?” His mind was racing, his heart was too. “You -”

“Please listen to me!” she interrupted and straightened up in her seat. There was so much passion in her voice, it was overwhelming. “I didn’t know it was you at first and then I was already too … “ She sighed and shook her head. “I didn’t plan to deceive you, I just didn’t know how to tell you!” She sounded pleading.

Gosh, he loved her so much and he wished his mind wouldn’t be mush right now. “So you’re not disappointed it’s me?” he asked. He wanted to touch her badly.

She shrugged. “I’ve known since the day you closed your store and we met outside and I wanted to leave you in peace but you …“

“I yelled at you. I was awful.”

“You were upset.”

“I was a jerk.”

“Yes.” She smiled and his heart skipped a beat. Could she be any more perfect? This wonderful woman could’ve cut all contact with both versions of him but instead she had given him another chance and … His eyes widened as another realization hit him.

“You knew it was me when you asked to meet me the first time?” He could barely comprehend it, but the timing of it all dictated that it must’ve happened like this. “You asked me out although you knew it would be me … but you hated me!”

She tilted her head and frowned. “I never hated you.”

He couldn’t believe it but she was here and she knew and … He just couldn’t believe it.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I thought I needed to …” To hide from her until she’d knew him better and all this time … He shook his head. “Never mind. Would you go out with me? On a date?”

“Yes.”

“Not because of the manuscript though I love working with you on it, but a real date with just …” He shrugged. “Just me. And I would bring you flowers and there would be candles and I’d probably try to kiss you when I bring you home because I really want to kiss you and …” he trailed off.

She stared at him and his palms started sweating. Damn, everything had went so well and now his rambling got him into trouble again. Crap.

He swallowed hard. “We can forget about the kiss,” he said quickly. “Just dinner. Or lunch.” Anything, really.

“I’d really like to kiss you,” she rasped and licked her lips.

Gosh, that woman! He opened his mouth and closed it again, but nothing came out. all he could manage as to smile at her. He really was an idiot.

She cradled his face like she had the day she had brought him soup. “Is that okay?” she asked.

This was heavenly! He leaned into her touch and looked at her beautiful mouth. He longed to kiss her. His eyes fell shut when she leaned in. Their lips touched and it was perfect. He sighed against her mouth and she nibbled on his lower lip, it was absolutely perfect. She ran her tongue over the seam of his lips and he groaned. Suddenly his hands were in her hair and he kissed her back. He couldn’t get enough of her.

Eventually, she broke away, which was probably for the best as they were still in a public space and he had some issues with his self restraint at the moment. He just wanted to kiss her, every inch of her.

He pulled his hands from her soft hair and touched her shoulders. She kept caressing his face and smiled. This was good too. The gentleness of it, the shine in her eyes.

“I love you,” he said. It just slipped out. Of course it was too early. They just had kissed for the very first time!

She froze up. Crap.

Her hands stilled on his face but at least she didn’t withdraw. “Really?” she asked.

He wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes.” He wanted to add so much more, about how he could wait and about how they could just be friends if that was all she wanted. And about how she was the most wonderful woman he had ever met in his life and he had never been as deeply in love with anyone else. He just loved her so much.

“I love you too,” she said.

“Really?” he asked. Happiness bubbled up inside of him once more.

She nodded and kissed him briefly. “Yes.”

She loved him. The love of his life, his best friend, loved him back. He smiled at her and she smiled back. This was the best brunch he ever had had in his life.

THE END


End file.
